Abram was sleeping. You heard me. Not awake. He had dozed off and was in a state of slumber. He was resting on the ground without a pillow; with dreaming accompanied by nightmares. He was out; semi-comotose; talking with the Sandman. He was sneaking forty winks; getting some ZZZ’s.
He was probably snoring too.
For a man who had been so gun-ho about the deal, it wasn’t looking so good at the moment. How could he fall asleep?
Abram had done his best to listen to God. He was doing his utmost to follow. Even when the people around him thought he was crazy! He had changed everything he knew to change, and had pursued every avenue he knew to pursue. And still, he waited.
There were times, oft in the middle of the night, when a persistent Strong Urging would speak. The Voice continued to draw him in. This unseen, hard to understand, yet all-encompassing Presence would speak. “I am with you. Don’t be afraid.”
Even in the midst of his dysfunctional family, Abram kept holding on to his hope. Someday the promises he had heard in his heart would be fulfilled. Someday, hopefully soon, he would understand. It had been years. Was his soul weary? He didn’t know.
All he could do was to keep living his life. And so he did.
Day in, and day out, his routines maintained their rhythm. Seasons in, and seasons out, his world continued. His flocks and herds grew. His crops were harvested. Cities were built and battled for. Cultures rose and fell. Governments chased their agendas.
One day, in the midst of his faithful plodding, the Voice came once again. “Set up a contract site for us, Abram. I want to meet with you.” Oh, how his heart filled with joy and anticipation! The God he had waited to see was coming to him! It wouldn’t be long now! Everything would be fine! Full of gladness, he placed the animal halves in their positions. He looked around. Yes, everything was ready.
Even the torch was in place. Waiting to be lit when his Unseen Partner arrived.
And he waited. He would do all that was required. He would show himself worthy. And when it was done, he would keep his side of the bargain. The Voice would know he had been the right choice!
But then, he fell asleep. Sound. How could he? You would think that if someone had left their country, their family, their home, in order to discover a burgeoning, illustrious promise, the least he could do would be to stay awake! Wouldn’t you? And, in light of his failure; any good businessman would walk away from such a partner! A go-getter would see that Abram wasn’t really made of the right material.
Small failures have been known to break large deals. Contracts have been abandoned for much less than a nap before. After all, sleeping men can’t make their signature; or shake hands; or look you in the eyes; or even agree.
When the time came, Terror showed up, battling for Abram’s sanity. What was his reality now, he wondered?
But then, the Voice came. Bringing Peace. It was the Voice that lit the torch, passing it between the sides of the physical contract. How was that possible? Was it the purpose of the Voice to keep both sides of the contract? Who could do such a thing? And yet, it had apparently been the original plan to do so.
When they spoke later, the Voice explained a new word to Abram’s understanding. “It is my everlasting Covenant, Abram.”
Covenant. In the midst of failure; God remains.
Covenant. When the heart has fallen asleep and is unaware; God remains.
Covenant. When the soul is weary, and Terror descends; God remains.
Everlasting Covenant.
Abba Father does not make contracts. He keeps covenants. He is the Promiser, and the Keeper of Promises. And, while many around us may judge the standing and status of our existence based upon comparisons; please know that God does not. Conditional approval comes from a much darker realm.
In the eternal scheme of things, our small failures cannot break His large deals. He will not abandon us. When we realize we have been less than faithful, He remains faithful….. And He is aware when we find ourselves unable to make our signature; or shake hands; or look Him in the eyes. He even knows when the perceptions and imprintings of our hearts fight us when we really desire to trust and believe.
Dear reader, it is important that you know at this point that you are important to him. You were planned long before the earth was blueprinted. Your gender, your ethnicity, your giftings, and even your eye color were mapped out, complete with only good plans for your life…”plans for a future and a hope.” And know this: your ability to maintain a God-relationship is a matter of His everlasting covenant; not of your performance-oriented contract. He is on your side, and He wants to help you succeed.
After all, He is the Maker and Keeper of Promises. He’s got you.
And, by the way, the Voice’s name is Jesus.
(C) 2010 DG –Awakenedtogrow.com. Duplication without permission prohibited.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Getting the Signals
Communication is under-rated.
Like when our Rachel was learning to drive. That learning activity was something Bill did with her, and I observed from the back seat. Not having my husband’s great depth perception, my observations many times came with involuntary drawing-ins of air, and the universal-Mom’s invisible-brake pedal.
“Turn left at the next street, honey,” Bill instructed, during one of her early lessons. Now mind you, I had no reason to believe she wouldn’t do exactly what her father told her. Up until that point, she had done rather well, staying between the lines; braking slowly, accelerating respectfully –
During moments like those you learn lessons about your children. Why is it we remember those moments of surprise so well?Perhaps because we are vulnerable; especially when they are driving. After all, they have the steering wheel! That particular driving lesson, we arrived at the left-turn corner in question, and Rachel drove past it, never slowing.
“Why didn’t you turn?” her father asked, watching not only the road-sign, but the purpose of our outing — the Wendy’s and their large Frosty — pass into rear-view.
“You said, ‘turn left,‘ Dad,” she responded, keeping her eyes on the road. “I will when we get there.”
Bill and I exchanged glances. What was she saying?
“We did get there,” I said. “Why didn’t you turn?”
“M- ah-m!” She sighed her reply, using the fifteen-year-old voice that only daughters-who-have-been-daughters, of mothers-who-are-being-mothers would recognize. At the next corner, Rachel began putting one hand over another, turning the steering wheel.
Her dad and I found ourselves laughing. Out loud.
“What?” she asked, looking at us. Her father’s eyes were twinkling as he responded. “Must be your other left, Rach,” was all he said, as the car made a right-hand turn.
From her earliest years, our daughter has mixed her directions. (I could write a book here, but I don’t want to get off track….) When she was five, we tried everything, from making an “L” with the “left” hand, to memory games. We even did the drill: “My left makes an ‘L’ and I write with my right.” She tried hard; even to the point of frustration. The knowledge just didn’t ”stick.” (Bear in mind that these days she is a gifted wedding photographer! And even back then she was designing wedding dresses and evening gowns.)
She just couldn’t remember which side was left, and which side was right!
For the sake of the story, I should tell you: I know exactly where the weakness in Rachel’s personal navigation system came from. It wasn’t her fault. For as long as I can remember, I too, have struggled; mixing digits, turning numbers; directionally challenged…. Once, years ago, not long after Bill and I were married, I once drove 25 miles out of the way, driving home alone from the grocery store! Way back then, we were a young couple in a new city. That sense of not-knowing scared me. Now, thirty years out? I have learned to deal. After all, the tendency has surfaced so many times, for so long…. Now, its something we all joke about with each other. “No, Mom,” they say, “you don’t have to drive. We’ll lead you.”
I’m thankful I can ask. I’m thankful for family. Additionally, I’m deeply grateful for community. Because, even though I keep maps in my car; several of my friends continue to be kind enough to answer their cell phones and take the time to provide me a running-feed of control-tower encouragement as I search for the right road. I’ve become really good at U-turns; even the 3, 4, 5 and 6-point types of turns…. (Just a note: This year, my favorite Christmas gift was the GPS our children gave me. It’s great! — it has even helped my prayer life! If I need to travel to a new place, I pull it out. Then I pray the sky isn’t too cloudy to find a signal….)
Mixed directions. Misunderstood signals. It seemed natural when the girls were smaller, to find different ways to communicate what they needed to learn. For example, when they were learning to set the table, we didn’t tell them the fork went on the right (I mean left!) — Instead, we drew a template and asked them to copy it with the dishes. When we passed food during Family Table, we would point in the desired direction and say, “Pass the bread that way.” And guess what? It worked. Our girls learned. We connected. The table got set; the bread was passed.
As I’ve been working on the worksheets for teaching couples to bond, I’ve found myself thinking this week about my own sense of being directionally challenged, and what it has taught me about bonding issues. Those places within each of us where we are still waiting for bonding to occur — those are the areas where our conflicts take place. Those are the areas where we have developed false strength.
Those are the areas where the signal isn’t clear; “left” doesn’t really mean “left” to us — And even though we work hard, using the same minimal tools we have always used – it doesn’t seem to “click.” I’ve had parents explain this away, by saying, “If my child never had it, they don’t know it’s missing, and that’s okay.” If you have thought that way, let me ask you to follow that kind of thinking to its conclusion, and consider an equivalent statement:
“My child never grew a right arm, but it’s okay. They’re not handicapped. They have the same abilities as everyone else.”
Such a statement isn’t true, is it?
I’m sure we’ll discuss this more at a later point, because it is where I am in the learning process of helping people heal right now…. Just let me say that bonding gaps cause us to develop wrong perceptions about who we are; places where have chosen to live our lives alone. Usually, these are the empty places, left unaddressed in us, for one reason or another. Used to being alone, we choose to survive alone; not choosing community; figuring it out by ourselves.
Such independence does not make us stronger, it just gets us lost… like me on new roads without a GPS– only refusing to make a phone call. We become like explorers without a compass. When this independence happens within a marriage, it transends into parenting; and our children do not receive the emotional tools they need. How can they?
We cannot give to them, what we don’t have — Or teach them what we haven’t learned ourselves.
The Solution for our bonding needs is presented in our Heavenly Father. He is God — He is the One who made us, who loves us, who chooses us to be His — no matter what. He is the Only God, and He speaks every language. He knows every bonding deficit.
The moment we open to receive His love — He begins the process — He will do whatever it takes to connect with you. That is why He came in the form of Jesus Christ.
If that seems a little scary right now, then, at the very least, begin opening your life to those you love. Admit your weaknesses. Ask for help. Then, look around. Let me encourage you to find a solid group of real believers in Christ who believe in the value of community; Safe people, who will let you fail as you learn.
God isn’t about religion — He is about relationship; and it’s not anything you can earn by keeping a set of rules, or acting a certain way.
He just loves you, and wants you to get the right signals.
(C)2010 DG — Awakened To Grow . Duplication without permission prohibited.
Like when our Rachel was learning to drive. That learning activity was something Bill did with her, and I observed from the back seat. Not having my husband’s great depth perception, my observations many times came with involuntary drawing-ins of air, and the universal-Mom’s invisible-brake pedal.
“Turn left at the next street, honey,” Bill instructed, during one of her early lessons. Now mind you, I had no reason to believe she wouldn’t do exactly what her father told her. Up until that point, she had done rather well, staying between the lines; braking slowly, accelerating respectfully –
During moments like those you learn lessons about your children. Why is it we remember those moments of surprise so well?Perhaps because we are vulnerable; especially when they are driving. After all, they have the steering wheel! That particular driving lesson, we arrived at the left-turn corner in question, and Rachel drove past it, never slowing.
“Why didn’t you turn?” her father asked, watching not only the road-sign, but the purpose of our outing — the Wendy’s and their large Frosty — pass into rear-view.
“You said, ‘turn left,‘ Dad,” she responded, keeping her eyes on the road. “I will when we get there.”
Bill and I exchanged glances. What was she saying?
“We did get there,” I said. “Why didn’t you turn?”
“M- ah-m!” She sighed her reply, using the fifteen-year-old voice that only daughters-who-have-been-daughters, of mothers-who-are-being-mothers would recognize. At the next corner, Rachel began putting one hand over another, turning the steering wheel.
Her dad and I found ourselves laughing. Out loud.
“What?” she asked, looking at us. Her father’s eyes were twinkling as he responded. “Must be your other left, Rach,” was all he said, as the car made a right-hand turn.
From her earliest years, our daughter has mixed her directions. (I could write a book here, but I don’t want to get off track….) When she was five, we tried everything, from making an “L” with the “left” hand, to memory games. We even did the drill: “My left makes an ‘L’ and I write with my right.” She tried hard; even to the point of frustration. The knowledge just didn’t ”stick.” (Bear in mind that these days she is a gifted wedding photographer! And even back then she was designing wedding dresses and evening gowns.)
She just couldn’t remember which side was left, and which side was right!
For the sake of the story, I should tell you: I know exactly where the weakness in Rachel’s personal navigation system came from. It wasn’t her fault. For as long as I can remember, I too, have struggled; mixing digits, turning numbers; directionally challenged…. Once, years ago, not long after Bill and I were married, I once drove 25 miles out of the way, driving home alone from the grocery store! Way back then, we were a young couple in a new city. That sense of not-knowing scared me. Now, thirty years out? I have learned to deal. After all, the tendency has surfaced so many times, for so long…. Now, its something we all joke about with each other. “No, Mom,” they say, “you don’t have to drive. We’ll lead you.”
I’m thankful I can ask. I’m thankful for family. Additionally, I’m deeply grateful for community. Because, even though I keep maps in my car; several of my friends continue to be kind enough to answer their cell phones and take the time to provide me a running-feed of control-tower encouragement as I search for the right road. I’ve become really good at U-turns; even the 3, 4, 5 and 6-point types of turns…. (Just a note: This year, my favorite Christmas gift was the GPS our children gave me. It’s great! — it has even helped my prayer life! If I need to travel to a new place, I pull it out. Then I pray the sky isn’t too cloudy to find a signal….)
Mixed directions. Misunderstood signals. It seemed natural when the girls were smaller, to find different ways to communicate what they needed to learn. For example, when they were learning to set the table, we didn’t tell them the fork went on the right (I mean left!) — Instead, we drew a template and asked them to copy it with the dishes. When we passed food during Family Table, we would point in the desired direction and say, “Pass the bread that way.” And guess what? It worked. Our girls learned. We connected. The table got set; the bread was passed.
As I’ve been working on the worksheets for teaching couples to bond, I’ve found myself thinking this week about my own sense of being directionally challenged, and what it has taught me about bonding issues. Those places within each of us where we are still waiting for bonding to occur — those are the areas where our conflicts take place. Those are the areas where we have developed false strength.
Those are the areas where the signal isn’t clear; “left” doesn’t really mean “left” to us — And even though we work hard, using the same minimal tools we have always used – it doesn’t seem to “click.” I’ve had parents explain this away, by saying, “If my child never had it, they don’t know it’s missing, and that’s okay.” If you have thought that way, let me ask you to follow that kind of thinking to its conclusion, and consider an equivalent statement:
“My child never grew a right arm, but it’s okay. They’re not handicapped. They have the same abilities as everyone else.”
Such a statement isn’t true, is it?
I’m sure we’ll discuss this more at a later point, because it is where I am in the learning process of helping people heal right now…. Just let me say that bonding gaps cause us to develop wrong perceptions about who we are; places where have chosen to live our lives alone. Usually, these are the empty places, left unaddressed in us, for one reason or another. Used to being alone, we choose to survive alone; not choosing community; figuring it out by ourselves.
Such independence does not make us stronger, it just gets us lost… like me on new roads without a GPS– only refusing to make a phone call. We become like explorers without a compass. When this independence happens within a marriage, it transends into parenting; and our children do not receive the emotional tools they need. How can they?
We cannot give to them, what we don’t have — Or teach them what we haven’t learned ourselves.
The Solution for our bonding needs is presented in our Heavenly Father. He is God — He is the One who made us, who loves us, who chooses us to be His — no matter what. He is the Only God, and He speaks every language. He knows every bonding deficit.
The moment we open to receive His love — He begins the process — He will do whatever it takes to connect with you. That is why He came in the form of Jesus Christ.
If that seems a little scary right now, then, at the very least, begin opening your life to those you love. Admit your weaknesses. Ask for help. Then, look around. Let me encourage you to find a solid group of real believers in Christ who believe in the value of community; Safe people, who will let you fail as you learn.
God isn’t about religion — He is about relationship; and it’s not anything you can earn by keeping a set of rules, or acting a certain way.
He just loves you, and wants you to get the right signals.
(C)2010 DG — Awakened To Grow . Duplication without permission prohibited.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Welcome!!
The family table is a big deal in our house. We sit for hours sometimes; going from preparing a meal, to enjoying the meal, to clean-up, to dessert, to games afterwards. I love it when the house is filled with people; and laughter! And it gets loud too!
Bill and I have been married for 30 years now; our kids are grown. But we still seem to have those “family table times.” When we set a time and date for a family table, everyone RSVP’s like its a special event… even if it’s just pizza…
Bill and I pastor a church (did I tell you that?) We have worked as a team since 1980…. He’s now a doctoral student (soon to graduate — that’s been a journey all its own). I help with worship, and work as a family counselor. We’ve enjoyed this journey….
This blog is to written to invite you to our family table. During the years our children were in development, our family table was the place where the issues of living would surface. The girls would ask a question. Their friends would ask a question. We would answer. Discussion would continue, many times with laughter and discovery. Sometimes, a conflict would occur during their day, and we would sort it out together — at the table — working through pain to find healing, growth and personal identity.
Over the years, I have learned that lessons and healing happen around the table. Additionally, something spiritual always enters the mix when we connect over food. This kind of bonding has to have been God’s idea.
As a counselor, I have discovered that the concept of a family table is foreign in many homes. If that has been in the case in your own life, please — allow me to invite you to this one.
Of late, now in my fifties, I’ve been looking back on the pathway Abba Father has been leading me on since I was three. And, in the midst of learning lessons about life, about relationships, about God, about myself and others….. I want to invite you to the table. Come and share these lessons with me.
If you would like to, please feel invited to add your own responses. Let’s connect and make the journey! Blessings!
Thanks for reading!
Bill and I have been married for 30 years now; our kids are grown. But we still seem to have those “family table times.” When we set a time and date for a family table, everyone RSVP’s like its a special event… even if it’s just pizza…
Bill and I pastor a church (did I tell you that?) We have worked as a team since 1980…. He’s now a doctoral student (soon to graduate — that’s been a journey all its own). I help with worship, and work as a family counselor. We’ve enjoyed this journey….
This blog is to written to invite you to our family table. During the years our children were in development, our family table was the place where the issues of living would surface. The girls would ask a question. Their friends would ask a question. We would answer. Discussion would continue, many times with laughter and discovery. Sometimes, a conflict would occur during their day, and we would sort it out together — at the table — working through pain to find healing, growth and personal identity.
Over the years, I have learned that lessons and healing happen around the table. Additionally, something spiritual always enters the mix when we connect over food. This kind of bonding has to have been God’s idea.
As a counselor, I have discovered that the concept of a family table is foreign in many homes. If that has been in the case in your own life, please — allow me to invite you to this one.
Of late, now in my fifties, I’ve been looking back on the pathway Abba Father has been leading me on since I was three. And, in the midst of learning lessons about life, about relationships, about God, about myself and others….. I want to invite you to the table. Come and share these lessons with me.
If you would like to, please feel invited to add your own responses. Let’s connect and make the journey! Blessings!
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
suitcase latches
It was a Samsonite case; a good one -- and a bargain too! Just $5 at a gargage sale. Not bad for a hardshell suitcase.. it was a perfect match for a poor college student....
That semester, more than forty of us travelled on the ministry tour. (Almost double the norm -- if I remember properly.) Thing was, there was limited room in the storage compartments in the lower levels in the bus. Our ministry team needed room in the luggage area of the bus for musical instruments and sound equipment. So, our director had limited each of us to one suitcase. (Not to complain, but do you know how difficult it is to keep what you need to only one case, when you're only twenty years old? And female? For me it was nearly impossible....)
And then, there were the extenuating circumstances... ( host homes, outlet malls on the highway, etc.) When one travels, one finds oneself -- -- how shall we put it? .... acquiring. Its kind of like that junk drawer in the kitchen. You know the one: you open it, and the contents explode. (Does anybody even like that drawer?)
Well, by the time we were half-way through that January tour, it became necessary for me to sit on the suitcase, bouncing on it, over and over again; squeezing the poor thing closed each morning. The task became more and more difficult as we travelled along. Close to the end of the month, my host home was gracious enough to take me to the store to purchase duct tape. After all, my poor suitcase only had to make it through a few more days. Sadly, that was the day the $5 bargain latches failed. That was the day the case popped open, spewing forth my unmentionables and dirty laundry all over the church parking lot.
It was a very spiritual moment. Honest. Well maybe not......
Which brings me to a discovery I made not long ago . Over a period of time, I had become increasingly aware of a repeating frustration in my heart. Busy continually, I thought I was moving forward. There was a degree of satisfaction in my day-to-day rituals. But, at the end of the day, barbed thoughts nagged the back of my mind. In fact, those very expectations began to intimidate me; wearing me down. After a season of days, I felt guilty over "all the things" I was "not doing."
Not doing? All of my moments were filled. The collections of my days were compressed.
Not doing? Simply put: there simply was no time.
So I sat down and made a list of all of the silent expectations I felt were looming over me, pointing their accusing finger. I share it here:
"Get up earlier. You'll be able to accomplish more. You'll feel better about yourself."
"Get more exercise.... 20-30 minutes, three times a week."
"Prepare all of your meals from scratch; processed foods can hurt you."
"You need to communicate more completely."
"Make longer and more detailed lists so you don't forget."
"Be in church every time the doors are open. It's important to show your committment."
"Send hand-written thank you notes."
"Take vitamins, and minerals every morning."
"Prepare protein drinks and make sure to take your greens every morning."
"Buy raw and organic foods."
"Buy a juicer. Your body will then absorb the nutrients missing in the foods you eat."
"Make telephone calls instead of writing emails. People need personal contact."
"Keep exercising. Sculpt that body."
"Read the Bible every day, at least one chapter; more... no matter what."
"Memorize a Bible verse each week."
"Show your employer you are a good worker. Stop being late to meetings."
"Be diligent, always energetic and upbeat."
"Journal. Every day -- your thoughts, feelings, discoveries."
"Keep track of everything God says to you."
"Keep your environments organized. Emulations of "pack-rat-ivity" are not allowed."
"Be hospitable. Entertain your neighbors; open your house, your heart, and your home."
"Read at least one book a month. Maybe two."
"Volunteer to serve. You need to do something outside yourself."
"Pursue a project or a hobby. Expand your knowledge."
"Stay current with the news; remain politically savvy. Research the issues to protect yourself."
"Keep your cupboards and closets organized; your silverware organized; your home organized."
"Talk through the deep issues of life with your spouse."
"Don't live on the surface."
"Keep exercising."
"Pray every day, for at least 30 minutes. Prayer is first foundation in a life of a disciple."
"Enroll in a class. Keep your mind active and developing."
"You can get it all done if you just stay up a few more hours." "You can make up the sleep hours later."
After the list was finished, I read back over these items, now known as the "Shoulds-List." Writing all of those thoughts down had helped to uncover something seeking to hide itself behind other labels in my life. In actuality, a sense of false guilt, or shame, had been speaking to me; holding up fiery hoops of expectation for me to jump through.
After the discovery, I thought I'd have a little fun with the list. Considering each one, I assigned a required length of time to the activities listed. The discovery I made was amazing. In order to satisfy the "Shoulds-List," I would need an additional five hours each day.
No wonder I was tired.
Each of us on the planet has a "Shoulds-List." We drag it along like my over-stuffed suitcase, as we make our personal Life-tour. We regularly struggle to squeeze everything back into its confines, hoping the "dirty laundry" doesn't pop out at the wrong time. But we're human. And sometimes, it just does. Sometimes, we just bolster ourselves. We pick up our bootstraps, and grab something to keep the cover on... By the way, do they even make emotional duct tape?
After a season, however, we have difficulty getting that latch to close. Overwhelmed, we become frustrated. "I'll just get up a little earlier," we tell ourselves, or, "I just need to work a little harder."
In the Bible, Psalm 127 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for He (God) gives His beloved sleep." (NKJV)
You are....... we are......... beloved. Beloved!!
If you are struggling with your God-relationship; if you have thought you had to somehow do more, or be more in order to gain His approval and acceptance; this is the time to allow the Holy Spirit to take you off the hook.
You see, our Heavenly Father never drives us. He doesn't push. He doesn't pull. He holds no hoops for us to jump through. He does not expect us to "find the hidden formula." (And just for the record -- He's not mad at you, either. Take it from me.... Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't really know His character.) He is the God who leads. The Greek language calls Him the "Parakletos" -- the Helper/Teacher who walks alongside....
So let me ask you something.... What's on your personal "Shoulds-List?" If you need a place to start, you could look at the list I provided here of the thought patterns I struggled with. Ask God to help you let go of them. He wants to breathe His Peace, His Mercy and His Healing into the "shoulds" in your life. You already make Him happy.
You are beloved.
(C)2010 -- DG - Awakened to Grow
That semester, more than forty of us travelled on the ministry tour. (Almost double the norm -- if I remember properly.) Thing was, there was limited room in the storage compartments in the lower levels in the bus. Our ministry team needed room in the luggage area of the bus for musical instruments and sound equipment. So, our director had limited each of us to one suitcase. (Not to complain, but do you know how difficult it is to keep what you need to only one case, when you're only twenty years old? And female? For me it was nearly impossible....)
And then, there were the extenuating circumstances... ( host homes, outlet malls on the highway, etc.) When one travels, one finds oneself -- -- how shall we put it? .... acquiring. Its kind of like that junk drawer in the kitchen. You know the one: you open it, and the contents explode. (Does anybody even like that drawer?)
Well, by the time we were half-way through that January tour, it became necessary for me to sit on the suitcase, bouncing on it, over and over again; squeezing the poor thing closed each morning. The task became more and more difficult as we travelled along. Close to the end of the month, my host home was gracious enough to take me to the store to purchase duct tape. After all, my poor suitcase only had to make it through a few more days. Sadly, that was the day the $5 bargain latches failed. That was the day the case popped open, spewing forth my unmentionables and dirty laundry all over the church parking lot.
It was a very spiritual moment. Honest. Well maybe not......
Which brings me to a discovery I made not long ago . Over a period of time, I had become increasingly aware of a repeating frustration in my heart. Busy continually, I thought I was moving forward. There was a degree of satisfaction in my day-to-day rituals. But, at the end of the day, barbed thoughts nagged the back of my mind. In fact, those very expectations began to intimidate me; wearing me down. After a season of days, I felt guilty over "all the things" I was "not doing."
Not doing? All of my moments were filled. The collections of my days were compressed.
Not doing? Simply put: there simply was no time.
So I sat down and made a list of all of the silent expectations I felt were looming over me, pointing their accusing finger. I share it here:
"Get up earlier. You'll be able to accomplish more. You'll feel better about yourself."
"Get more exercise.... 20-30 minutes, three times a week."
"Prepare all of your meals from scratch; processed foods can hurt you."
"You need to communicate more completely."
"Make longer and more detailed lists so you don't forget."
"Be in church every time the doors are open. It's important to show your committment."
"Send hand-written thank you notes."
"Take vitamins, and minerals every morning."
"Prepare protein drinks and make sure to take your greens every morning."
"Buy raw and organic foods."
"Buy a juicer. Your body will then absorb the nutrients missing in the foods you eat."
"Make telephone calls instead of writing emails. People need personal contact."
"Keep exercising. Sculpt that body."
"Read the Bible every day, at least one chapter; more... no matter what."
"Memorize a Bible verse each week."
"Show your employer you are a good worker. Stop being late to meetings."
"Be diligent, always energetic and upbeat."
"Journal. Every day -- your thoughts, feelings, discoveries."
"Keep track of everything God says to you."
"Keep your environments organized. Emulations of "pack-rat-ivity" are not allowed."
"Be hospitable. Entertain your neighbors; open your house, your heart, and your home."
"Read at least one book a month. Maybe two."
"Volunteer to serve. You need to do something outside yourself."
"Pursue a project or a hobby. Expand your knowledge."
"Stay current with the news; remain politically savvy. Research the issues to protect yourself."
"Keep your cupboards and closets organized; your silverware organized; your home organized."
"Talk through the deep issues of life with your spouse."
"Don't live on the surface."
"Keep exercising."
"Pray every day, for at least 30 minutes. Prayer is first foundation in a life of a disciple."
"Enroll in a class. Keep your mind active and developing."
"You can get it all done if you just stay up a few more hours." "You can make up the sleep hours later."
After the list was finished, I read back over these items, now known as the "Shoulds-List." Writing all of those thoughts down had helped to uncover something seeking to hide itself behind other labels in my life. In actuality, a sense of false guilt, or shame, had been speaking to me; holding up fiery hoops of expectation for me to jump through.
After the discovery, I thought I'd have a little fun with the list. Considering each one, I assigned a required length of time to the activities listed. The discovery I made was amazing. In order to satisfy the "Shoulds-List," I would need an additional five hours each day.
No wonder I was tired.
Each of us on the planet has a "Shoulds-List." We drag it along like my over-stuffed suitcase, as we make our personal Life-tour. We regularly struggle to squeeze everything back into its confines, hoping the "dirty laundry" doesn't pop out at the wrong time. But we're human. And sometimes, it just does. Sometimes, we just bolster ourselves. We pick up our bootstraps, and grab something to keep the cover on... By the way, do they even make emotional duct tape?
After a season, however, we have difficulty getting that latch to close. Overwhelmed, we become frustrated. "I'll just get up a little earlier," we tell ourselves, or, "I just need to work a little harder."
In the Bible, Psalm 127 says, "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for He (God) gives His beloved sleep." (NKJV)
You are....... we are......... beloved. Beloved!!
If you are struggling with your God-relationship; if you have thought you had to somehow do more, or be more in order to gain His approval and acceptance; this is the time to allow the Holy Spirit to take you off the hook.
You see, our Heavenly Father never drives us. He doesn't push. He doesn't pull. He holds no hoops for us to jump through. He does not expect us to "find the hidden formula." (And just for the record -- He's not mad at you, either. Take it from me.... Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't really know His character.) He is the God who leads. The Greek language calls Him the "Parakletos" -- the Helper/Teacher who walks alongside....
So let me ask you something.... What's on your personal "Shoulds-List?" If you need a place to start, you could look at the list I provided here of the thought patterns I struggled with. Ask God to help you let go of them. He wants to breathe His Peace, His Mercy and His Healing into the "shoulds" in your life. You already make Him happy.
You are beloved.
(C)2010 -- DG - Awakened to Grow
gaskets and hoses
I love my car -- really. Well, I'm thankful that I have a car. More than being grateful for the vehicle, I guess what I should say is that I'm thankful for my hubby; indefatigable man that he is. I know this because we have remodelled a house together, built a church together, remodelled another church,.... you get the idea.
Well, about a year ago, he was out of town for a class; he's a doctoral student. (I think I mentioned that somewhere.) While he was away, he delegated to me the job of purchasing a car. I know, I know, I hear you. But it wasn't like that. No. Really, it wasn't. We had looked for weeks - together. He had done the leg work, and wanted me to look the car over. A mechanic, who was a friend, or should I say, used to be a friend, had gleaned the best of two used Hondas and merged them together to create what we hoped would prove to be a hybrid. It was affordable, and it was available -- what could be better?
Bill must have forgotten that I know as much about picking a car as I do about football. (I've watched it for years, I just don't get it.)
Our friend had taken a car with a blown engine, and replaced it's get-up-and-go with the motor from a Honda with a trashed frame -- 121,000 on the good frame; 81,000 on the good engine. Such a deal it was. Really it was. I keep telling myself that...
So now, here we are, a year later. Thanks to my husband's tenacity, and the kindness of our friends (one in particular who is an excellent mechanic -- not the other guy), I have a new car. Not the shiny kind. ..
Maybe we'll paint it.
The new car I refer to is my little Honda. Yes the very same. We now have a new air conditioning system, new brakes, new tires, new head gasket, all new hoses, a flushed radiator, a new lower control arm, new window motors and regulators, a new master cylinder, new fan motor control switch, a working window washer unit, all new spark plugs, new shocks and struts, and the list continues....
I've always liked lemonade..... did I say that out loud? I still do -- it's the south....
Not only that, but the "Cash for Klunkers" program didn't appeal to me. I just can't see taking our used cars to a dealership, who then would have to destroy them; unable to sell them just to comply with the program. It didn't seem right to me, or to Bill, that the steel in my little Honda then be sold to Japan or China to build their steel industries, while our American car auctions see a freeze in the market..... didn't seem right somehow.
So, I'll drive my little Honda til the wheels fall off. And I'll be grateful, really grateful, that I have a car, and no car payments. Come to think of it, maybe the first mechanic's idea of a secondary market wasn't all that off, after all. All she needed was a little love and tenacity. Those ingredients can fix just about anything.
Even marriages.
How long would you drive your car down the road with all the lights on the dashboard blinking? How far would you get if the temperature gauge pegged itself to "hot," and steam was coming out of the engine? And yet, many times, we think we can continue travelling blithely through life when the relationships in our lives are sending us glaring signals -- yet we wait until the motor seizes to do a tune-up.
If you are in such a place in any relationship in your life, let me make a suggestion to you. Considering the American culture, and the social networks within what we call the "Christian Culture," only one in four of those who are referred to a counselor actually follow through with seeking one out. Of that 25%, less than half will follow through with pursuing the healing that requires personal change. Knowing the stats on broken and blended families, what does that tell us about the emotional stability of our nation? And our level of actual spiritual maturity?
The inside is more important than the outside. Going through the rebuilding process with my little Honda has taught me that, yet again! It's made me love her more.
And most importantly? The radio works, and I can park her anywhere!!
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
Well, about a year ago, he was out of town for a class; he's a doctoral student. (I think I mentioned that somewhere.) While he was away, he delegated to me the job of purchasing a car. I know, I know, I hear you. But it wasn't like that. No. Really, it wasn't. We had looked for weeks - together. He had done the leg work, and wanted me to look the car over. A mechanic, who was a friend, or should I say, used to be a friend, had gleaned the best of two used Hondas and merged them together to create what we hoped would prove to be a hybrid. It was affordable, and it was available -- what could be better?
Bill must have forgotten that I know as much about picking a car as I do about football. (I've watched it for years, I just don't get it.)
Our friend had taken a car with a blown engine, and replaced it's get-up-and-go with the motor from a Honda with a trashed frame -- 121,000 on the good frame; 81,000 on the good engine. Such a deal it was. Really it was. I keep telling myself that...
So now, here we are, a year later. Thanks to my husband's tenacity, and the kindness of our friends (one in particular who is an excellent mechanic -- not the other guy), I have a new car. Not the shiny kind. ..
Maybe we'll paint it.
The new car I refer to is my little Honda. Yes the very same. We now have a new air conditioning system, new brakes, new tires, new head gasket, all new hoses, a flushed radiator, a new lower control arm, new window motors and regulators, a new master cylinder, new fan motor control switch, a working window washer unit, all new spark plugs, new shocks and struts, and the list continues....
I've always liked lemonade..... did I say that out loud? I still do -- it's the south....
Not only that, but the "Cash for Klunkers" program didn't appeal to me. I just can't see taking our used cars to a dealership, who then would have to destroy them; unable to sell them just to comply with the program. It didn't seem right to me, or to Bill, that the steel in my little Honda then be sold to Japan or China to build their steel industries, while our American car auctions see a freeze in the market..... didn't seem right somehow.
So, I'll drive my little Honda til the wheels fall off. And I'll be grateful, really grateful, that I have a car, and no car payments. Come to think of it, maybe the first mechanic's idea of a secondary market wasn't all that off, after all. All she needed was a little love and tenacity. Those ingredients can fix just about anything.
Even marriages.
How long would you drive your car down the road with all the lights on the dashboard blinking? How far would you get if the temperature gauge pegged itself to "hot," and steam was coming out of the engine? And yet, many times, we think we can continue travelling blithely through life when the relationships in our lives are sending us glaring signals -- yet we wait until the motor seizes to do a tune-up.
If you are in such a place in any relationship in your life, let me make a suggestion to you. Considering the American culture, and the social networks within what we call the "Christian Culture," only one in four of those who are referred to a counselor actually follow through with seeking one out. Of that 25%, less than half will follow through with pursuing the healing that requires personal change. Knowing the stats on broken and blended families, what does that tell us about the emotional stability of our nation? And our level of actual spiritual maturity?
The inside is more important than the outside. Going through the rebuilding process with my little Honda has taught me that, yet again! It's made me love her more.
And most importantly? The radio works, and I can park her anywhere!!
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
a new adventure
Today turned into an encounter with a sinus nasty -- Apparently, some kind and sharing soul left the remnants of their symptoms where I could find them. I must have unwittingly discovered the germs; and, not being good at playing "hot potato," held onto the little viruses too long. So they made contact. The ugly things intend to "live long and prosper!" Little aliens..... (Can't we just send them back to the mother-ship?)
What was it the doctor used to tell us when the girls were small? "Wash your hands continually, and don't touch your eyes, nose, mouth or ears." Sorry, Larry, I forgot, I guess.
There is one good thing about not feeling well. Everything else has to stand in line for attention while you recover. And, it gives you a little bit of time to rest; doing activities that can be accomplished in a semi-sleep state.... when you're not sleeping, that is...
So today, between naps, I was preparing a CD -- lazing on the couch, with my laptop, my pillow, my blankie and my sympathetic 8-pound Maltese. Oh, and lots of water; don't forget the water. And the tea. Thanks, Mom.
I've written a novel. Did I tell you that already? My brain is snowed in with Mr. Sinus.... I can't remember.
It's been a rather large project. One I didn't realize I was undertaking.... At first, I was going to write a series of short stories, and give them to women who come to the Awakened to Grow retreats.... Then, I thought it might become a devotional; to which we would add the scripture reading and journaling assignments at a later date. But now, as I sign a publishing contract, and send a CD of files off, I am realizing that Abba Father has been leading me into a discovery for a long time.
I love to write.... really. I love to research, and find connections. It's fun to watch a patchwork quilt come together; piecing the accounts into a narrative. To discover the people...Before this project, I wrote songs -- and I still love doing that -- but this has touched something deeper in me.... this has been fun!
It began as a personal Bible study. I wanted to know more about the woman who broke the jar in the house of Simon the Pharisee. I wanted to investigate the depth of her passion in worship. Her courage. Jesus' response. Not long after the Bible study began, it became a message. Then, when I went to prepare the message for our congregation, it became a two-week teaching. Now, after eight years of research and a trip to Israel, it is a 460-page book.
Friends who have read it in its self-published format, tell me they have experienced personal change and growth through reading. Many of them have been kind enough to write reviews for my publisher. How did we get here, exactly? I don't remember ever planning to write a book. It just sort of happened. I think it came down to just taking the "next logical step" as the Holy Spirit made the direction clear.
So, why am I writing today? Just to bring you into the circle; to let you know its coming. I'm excited. The name of the book is Journey: A Novel. It is being published by Advantage Books (advbooks.com). Some of you have helped me to get to this point, and I am so grateful. Thank you. Thank you.. Thank you.... (If you have questions about the process, you can email me at awakenedtogrow@yahoo.com).
Periodically, from this point forward, I will post excerpts from "Journey," so you can see the kind of book it is..... If, as you read, you have comments, I would love to have your input...
I finished the research for my second book last month; Journey Continued. The prologue is written now; and I am beginning the process of constructing a novel about the early church -- Amazing.... What I have discovered in the process is the revelation of an ancient world paralleling our own so closely, that I find myself anticipating the end-time outpouring of the Spirit with even greater excitement.
Thank you for taking time to read this blog. Thanks for your encouragement and your support. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Blessings.
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
What was it the doctor used to tell us when the girls were small? "Wash your hands continually, and don't touch your eyes, nose, mouth or ears." Sorry, Larry, I forgot, I guess.
There is one good thing about not feeling well. Everything else has to stand in line for attention while you recover. And, it gives you a little bit of time to rest; doing activities that can be accomplished in a semi-sleep state.... when you're not sleeping, that is...
So today, between naps, I was preparing a CD -- lazing on the couch, with my laptop, my pillow, my blankie and my sympathetic 8-pound Maltese. Oh, and lots of water; don't forget the water. And the tea. Thanks, Mom.
I've written a novel. Did I tell you that already? My brain is snowed in with Mr. Sinus.... I can't remember.
It's been a rather large project. One I didn't realize I was undertaking.... At first, I was going to write a series of short stories, and give them to women who come to the Awakened to Grow retreats.... Then, I thought it might become a devotional; to which we would add the scripture reading and journaling assignments at a later date. But now, as I sign a publishing contract, and send a CD of files off, I am realizing that Abba Father has been leading me into a discovery for a long time.
I love to write.... really. I love to research, and find connections. It's fun to watch a patchwork quilt come together; piecing the accounts into a narrative. To discover the people...Before this project, I wrote songs -- and I still love doing that -- but this has touched something deeper in me.... this has been fun!
It began as a personal Bible study. I wanted to know more about the woman who broke the jar in the house of Simon the Pharisee. I wanted to investigate the depth of her passion in worship. Her courage. Jesus' response. Not long after the Bible study began, it became a message. Then, when I went to prepare the message for our congregation, it became a two-week teaching. Now, after eight years of research and a trip to Israel, it is a 460-page book.
Friends who have read it in its self-published format, tell me they have experienced personal change and growth through reading. Many of them have been kind enough to write reviews for my publisher. How did we get here, exactly? I don't remember ever planning to write a book. It just sort of happened. I think it came down to just taking the "next logical step" as the Holy Spirit made the direction clear.
So, why am I writing today? Just to bring you into the circle; to let you know its coming. I'm excited. The name of the book is Journey: A Novel. It is being published by Advantage Books (advbooks.com). Some of you have helped me to get to this point, and I am so grateful. Thank you. Thank you.. Thank you.... (If you have questions about the process, you can email me at awakenedtogrow@yahoo.com).
Periodically, from this point forward, I will post excerpts from "Journey," so you can see the kind of book it is..... If, as you read, you have comments, I would love to have your input...
I finished the research for my second book last month; Journey Continued. The prologue is written now; and I am beginning the process of constructing a novel about the early church -- Amazing.... What I have discovered in the process is the revelation of an ancient world paralleling our own so closely, that I find myself anticipating the end-time outpouring of the Spirit with even greater excitement.
Thank you for taking time to read this blog. Thanks for your encouragement and your support. I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Blessings.
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
garden and gun?
You read it right, friends. Believe it or not, it is the name of magazine: "Garden and Gun; Soul of the New South." As I sat waiting at a friend's house this week, I picked it up to read. Fascinating. I wasn't born in the south, but I wish I was. I've been eating grits, rice and gravy, okra, catfish and ribs for as long as I can remember. Our family has gone through a gallon of sweet tea a day since Bill and I married back in the 70's.... Am I telling my age? Oh well.
The article that tickled my fancy in this particular issue, was called "Fetch Daddy a Drink," by P.J. O'Rourke (I find myself wondering whether that is a man's real name -- but whatever -- this is the south)..... It was the sub-title that caught my attention -- "How to apply gun-dog training methods to your children." I was hooked. Was Mr. O'Rourke calling my children animals? (Not that I hadn't thought it quietly to myself once or twice when they were smaller -- but to put such a thing in print? Really now...)
In a nutshell, Mr. O'Rourke had taken the instructions of famous dog-trainer, Richard Wolters, in the book "Gun Dog" and translated them into parenting lingo. While the hilarious outcome of his discussion was entertaining, I found several things I agree with, that I can't resist sharing with you; logging them away here in cyberspace.
Three Rules To Train A Good Dog
1. Start 'em young -- Don't wait to train a pup until he is a year old. Begin early. Make solid imprintings that leave a legacy of behavior patterns. (I stopped to think; manners, habits, making the bed, even prayer..... okay.) O'Rourke says puppies who begin training at one year see a success rate of 20%, while puppies who begin such training at 5 weeks see a rate of 90%. (In people years, that would mean waiting until my child was 7 to expect him/her to make their bed..... and looking back... potty training definitely had to happen earlier than seven.... Continue O'Rourke... I'm listening.)
2. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Keep repeating the lesson until the pup learns it, Mr O'Rourke says. (My years as a children's pastor tell me this is true as well -- I always had to remember the One Minute Window Rule. That's the rule that says I get one minute of undivided attention from a child for every year of their emotional development..... Hmm.... are we on to something?)
3. Keep things concise. "Don't clutter a pup's brain with useless nonsense," quotes the author. "Keep your commands short." (I agreed with him up til now, so I read on.... ) The basic commands are SIT, STAY, COME, and WHOA. According to O'Rourke, his son will need to learn those rules if he wants to experience a happy marriage....
I put the magazine down. I found myself smiling -- and at the same time wondering whether the author didn't have a good point in the midst of his bizarre approach to child rearing.
In the 1920's, algebra and geometry were college courses, as were foreign languages, and the lab sciences. Back then, long division was introduced in the freshman year of high school. Music, the arts, and hands-on classes were part of the learning experience; education utilized all of the learning styles. Now, in the twenty-first century, our schools are aimed for the 7% of the population who are visual learners. We are harried, hassled, and time compressed. And now? Five times the amount of information the children of the 20's and 50's were expected to absorb, is now on the plates of our children who attend school. We have become obsessed as a nation with seeking to make sure our children know more, do more, make more and become more than any generation before them.....
Additionally, our children's health conditions show the results of that approach to preparing them for adult life. They struggle with ADHD, ADD, childhood depression, behavioral disorders, OCD, obesity, anxiety, sleep disorders, to name a few. Just last week, I read a news article about a middle schooler who had tried to end his life. Presently, in my own counseling practice, I regularly see at least five children under the age of 12, with big-people sized problems.
What's gone wrong with our plan?
Which brings me back to Mr. O'Rourke. There are two major elements underlying the author's entire "gun-dog" approach to parenting; elements we all really should adhere to if we desire success in raising our children -- or our grandchildren -- or our employees, even, for that matter. They are elements applying on any level of leading -- whether coaching, counseling, mentoring, teaching or parenting.
That missing element is Relationship; personal contact and consistent communication. To put it in "gun-dog" lingo: When an owner trains a pup, he is personally involved, on every level, for each stage. He learns to anticipate what the pup will do. He spends time observing; learning how his dog thinks. It's how obedience happens. It's how loyalty is nurtured.
With personal time.
As parents, we teach our children not only by what we say, but by what they see us doing; day in and day out. Our actions and attitudes do more to teach than any lecture. Thank you Mr. O'Rourke for your insight, and your humor....
I know I needed your advice. And the laughs.
But I don't think I will ever be able to look at one of my children with a palm raised like a stop sign and utter, "Sit and stay." (I'd like to raise their personal value level a little higher than that, I think.)
(C)2010 DG-- awakenedtogrow.com
The article that tickled my fancy in this particular issue, was called "Fetch Daddy a Drink," by P.J. O'Rourke (I find myself wondering whether that is a man's real name -- but whatever -- this is the south)..... It was the sub-title that caught my attention -- "How to apply gun-dog training methods to your children." I was hooked. Was Mr. O'Rourke calling my children animals? (Not that I hadn't thought it quietly to myself once or twice when they were smaller -- but to put such a thing in print? Really now...)
In a nutshell, Mr. O'Rourke had taken the instructions of famous dog-trainer, Richard Wolters, in the book "Gun Dog" and translated them into parenting lingo. While the hilarious outcome of his discussion was entertaining, I found several things I agree with, that I can't resist sharing with you; logging them away here in cyberspace.
Three Rules To Train A Good Dog
1. Start 'em young -- Don't wait to train a pup until he is a year old. Begin early. Make solid imprintings that leave a legacy of behavior patterns. (I stopped to think; manners, habits, making the bed, even prayer..... okay.) O'Rourke says puppies who begin training at one year see a success rate of 20%, while puppies who begin such training at 5 weeks see a rate of 90%. (In people years, that would mean waiting until my child was 7 to expect him/her to make their bed..... and looking back... potty training definitely had to happen earlier than seven.... Continue O'Rourke... I'm listening.)
2. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Keep repeating the lesson until the pup learns it, Mr O'Rourke says. (My years as a children's pastor tell me this is true as well -- I always had to remember the One Minute Window Rule. That's the rule that says I get one minute of undivided attention from a child for every year of their emotional development..... Hmm.... are we on to something?)
3. Keep things concise. "Don't clutter a pup's brain with useless nonsense," quotes the author. "Keep your commands short." (I agreed with him up til now, so I read on.... ) The basic commands are SIT, STAY, COME, and WHOA. According to O'Rourke, his son will need to learn those rules if he wants to experience a happy marriage....
I put the magazine down. I found myself smiling -- and at the same time wondering whether the author didn't have a good point in the midst of his bizarre approach to child rearing.
In the 1920's, algebra and geometry were college courses, as were foreign languages, and the lab sciences. Back then, long division was introduced in the freshman year of high school. Music, the arts, and hands-on classes were part of the learning experience; education utilized all of the learning styles. Now, in the twenty-first century, our schools are aimed for the 7% of the population who are visual learners. We are harried, hassled, and time compressed. And now? Five times the amount of information the children of the 20's and 50's were expected to absorb, is now on the plates of our children who attend school. We have become obsessed as a nation with seeking to make sure our children know more, do more, make more and become more than any generation before them.....
Additionally, our children's health conditions show the results of that approach to preparing them for adult life. They struggle with ADHD, ADD, childhood depression, behavioral disorders, OCD, obesity, anxiety, sleep disorders, to name a few. Just last week, I read a news article about a middle schooler who had tried to end his life. Presently, in my own counseling practice, I regularly see at least five children under the age of 12, with big-people sized problems.
What's gone wrong with our plan?
Which brings me back to Mr. O'Rourke. There are two major elements underlying the author's entire "gun-dog" approach to parenting; elements we all really should adhere to if we desire success in raising our children -- or our grandchildren -- or our employees, even, for that matter. They are elements applying on any level of leading -- whether coaching, counseling, mentoring, teaching or parenting.
That missing element is Relationship; personal contact and consistent communication. To put it in "gun-dog" lingo: When an owner trains a pup, he is personally involved, on every level, for each stage. He learns to anticipate what the pup will do. He spends time observing; learning how his dog thinks. It's how obedience happens. It's how loyalty is nurtured.
With personal time.
As parents, we teach our children not only by what we say, but by what they see us doing; day in and day out. Our actions and attitudes do more to teach than any lecture. Thank you Mr. O'Rourke for your insight, and your humor....
I know I needed your advice. And the laughs.
But I don't think I will ever be able to look at one of my children with a palm raised like a stop sign and utter, "Sit and stay." (I'd like to raise their personal value level a little higher than that, I think.)
(C)2010 DG-- awakenedtogrow.com
what God says
About a year ago, I was working on materials for a retreat. The theme was "The Value of A Woman." In the process of preparing materials, I kept coming across references that described God's attitude towards us as His children. As I personalized them, the following list emerged. I hope it will encourage you as much as it did me.
I look on the heart. I know your heart.
I am kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving.
I am the God who sees you.
I am rich in mercy.
I made you alive, when you were dead.
I have forgiven you for your past life and mistakes
I want you to sit with me in heavenly places
I want to pull you up to see things like I see them.
I want to show you the exceeding riches of my grace and my kindness.
You can’t earn this. Its my gift to you.
I have prepared good things for you.
I have prepared a good path for you to walk on
I have a design in mind for your life.
I am your refuge.
I want you to pour your heart out to me.
I hear you when you call me.
I am leaning over with my hand behind my ear so I can hear you
I am full of grace.
I do the right thing.
When you are in your lowest place, I will save you.
I will deal bountifully with you.
You are mine.
I save your tears in a bottle.
I want to wipe them from your eyes.
Your tears are precious to me.
I want to help you walk well in your life.
I want to deliver you from anything that would take life from you in any area.
I have only good news for you
I want to heal every place where your heart is broken.
I want to set you free in every place where you are all tied up.
I will show you the things you can’t see.
I will heal your blind-spots
If you can’t see, I will give you the ability to see.
I am the one who takes oppression off of you.
I want you to be free.
I want to bind up your wounds so you can heal.
I like to talk to you.
I want to help your reasoning powers to understand how I can wash you.
I am watching over you, to protect you, all the time.
I will never leave you alone.
I know that you believe in me.
You are my friend.
I have always loved you.
My love for you will never end.
I pour out kindnesses on you, in order to draw you close to me.
I love spending time with you.
I search your heart.
I understand the motives of what you feel.
I know you inside and out.
I planned you before I planned the earth.
I designed you.
I want you to be here – at this time – in this generation.
I have knit you together -- with skill and purpose.
I have put gifts in you.
I have placed calling on you.
I have given you dignity.
You can stand up and not be afraid, because I am with you.
I go before you, and I’ve got your back.
You are in the middle of an inner circle with me. You are my Beloved.
You are accepted.
I like you. You are my treasure.
I do not deal with you based on your mistakes.
I don’t look at your tendencies to sin.
I want to heal you.
I don’t keep record of your failings.
When you bring your mistakes and your failings to me, I put them so far from each other, they will never even see each other again.
When you call me, I will come to you
When you are overwhelmed, I will come to you
I will rescue you
I will ride the wind, and come in smoke and fire. I will thunder at the enemy who wants to destroy you.
I will draw you to myself, to a safe place.
I will hold you there.
I will support you.
I will breathe life into you.
I will put you in a broad place.
I delight in you.
I dance over you.
I sing over you.
I have placed a banner over you called “loved one.” That’s my label on your life – “Loved one.”
I am never too busy to spend time with you.
I have given you a new name
I want you to know what I am doing in your life.
You are not my slave, or my servant. You are my friend.
I have laid down my life for you.
I love you. You are precious to me.
I chose you before the foundation of the world.
You are holy and blameless when I look at you.
You are mine. No one can steal you from me.
There is no one more powerful than me.
I have blessed you with every spiritual blessing in Jesus.
You are my treasure.
Your value has been determined by the price paid.
I paid it all. ALL.
You are mine.
I want you to be with me forever.
I want you to have a good life.
I have good plans for you.
You are mine.
You are my favorite.
You are mine.
The next time you feel distance in your relationship with Abba Father, read this list to yourself -- perhaps out loud. I promise, it will lift your heart.
(c) 2009 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com -- No duplication without permission
I look on the heart. I know your heart.
I am kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving.
I am the God who sees you.
I am rich in mercy.
I made you alive, when you were dead.
I have forgiven you for your past life and mistakes
I want you to sit with me in heavenly places
I want to pull you up to see things like I see them.
I want to show you the exceeding riches of my grace and my kindness.
You can’t earn this. Its my gift to you.
I have prepared good things for you.
I have prepared a good path for you to walk on
I have a design in mind for your life.
I am your refuge.
I want you to pour your heart out to me.
I hear you when you call me.
I am leaning over with my hand behind my ear so I can hear you
I am full of grace.
I do the right thing.
When you are in your lowest place, I will save you.
I will deal bountifully with you.
You are mine.
I save your tears in a bottle.
I want to wipe them from your eyes.
Your tears are precious to me.
I want to help you walk well in your life.
I want to deliver you from anything that would take life from you in any area.
I have only good news for you
I want to heal every place where your heart is broken.
I want to set you free in every place where you are all tied up.
I will show you the things you can’t see.
I will heal your blind-spots
If you can’t see, I will give you the ability to see.
I am the one who takes oppression off of you.
I want you to be free.
I want to bind up your wounds so you can heal.
I like to talk to you.
I want to help your reasoning powers to understand how I can wash you.
I am watching over you, to protect you, all the time.
I will never leave you alone.
I know that you believe in me.
You are my friend.
I have always loved you.
My love for you will never end.
I pour out kindnesses on you, in order to draw you close to me.
I love spending time with you.
I search your heart.
I understand the motives of what you feel.
I know you inside and out.
I planned you before I planned the earth.
I designed you.
I want you to be here – at this time – in this generation.
I have knit you together -- with skill and purpose.
I have put gifts in you.
I have placed calling on you.
I have given you dignity.
You can stand up and not be afraid, because I am with you.
I go before you, and I’ve got your back.
You are in the middle of an inner circle with me. You are my Beloved.
You are accepted.
I like you. You are my treasure.
I do not deal with you based on your mistakes.
I don’t look at your tendencies to sin.
I want to heal you.
I don’t keep record of your failings.
When you bring your mistakes and your failings to me, I put them so far from each other, they will never even see each other again.
When you call me, I will come to you
When you are overwhelmed, I will come to you
I will rescue you
I will ride the wind, and come in smoke and fire. I will thunder at the enemy who wants to destroy you.
I will draw you to myself, to a safe place.
I will hold you there.
I will support you.
I will breathe life into you.
I will put you in a broad place.
I delight in you.
I dance over you.
I sing over you.
I have placed a banner over you called “loved one.” That’s my label on your life – “Loved one.”
I am never too busy to spend time with you.
I have given you a new name
I want you to know what I am doing in your life.
You are not my slave, or my servant. You are my friend.
I have laid down my life for you.
I love you. You are precious to me.
I chose you before the foundation of the world.
You are holy and blameless when I look at you.
You are mine. No one can steal you from me.
There is no one more powerful than me.
I have blessed you with every spiritual blessing in Jesus.
You are my treasure.
Your value has been determined by the price paid.
I paid it all. ALL.
You are mine.
I want you to be with me forever.
I want you to have a good life.
I have good plans for you.
You are mine.
You are my favorite.
You are mine.
The next time you feel distance in your relationship with Abba Father, read this list to yourself -- perhaps out loud. I promise, it will lift your heart.
(c) 2009 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com -- No duplication without permission
Rollover Minutes
Don't you just love the AT&T commercials about the mother who wants her family to realize the value of their rollover minutes? I think my favorite part of the whole thing is watching the facial expressions of those around her; her sons, her husband.... Body language says it all, friends.
(If you haven't seen the series, I include a youtube link here.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFepU_hcZ0s&feature=PlayList&p=23F1FDE8BDDDEBA1&index=3
Which brings me to yesterday's funny moment. Believe it or not, a lot of them happen in counseling.... Anyway, one of the couples I see in Inner Life Development, was sitting in my office. The three of us are in the midst of discovering how they can best communciate with each other. Even though they have been married awhile, this man and his wife can go days without indepth touch or connection. Some days they don't even speak to each other.
They never learned how.... How can you do something you never were taught to do, or even saw occur?
You can't. It's impossible to give away what we haven't received.....
Sadly, each of us have areas in our lives where that question could be applied... Each of us must discover our own need for conflict and change. And by change, I mean growth.
The element to lift us from our melee? A healthy response. Our response when we become personally aware of our ignorance; that response is telling in our development of character. It is the key to the Holy-Spirit-provided door to unlock our Personhood. Most especially, our response shows our capacity for relationship; not only with others, but with God as well. How do we respond? Do we become angry? Withdraw? Defend ourselves? Or, do we open our lives to others, ask a question, apply the answer, and continue towards emotional health; then spiritual maturity?
One cannot happen without the other.
Currently, I see four couples; each of whom has developed discontenment with the normal "non-talk" in their day-to-day. Rather, they have chosen to live on a learning curve; bravely stepping into the unknown; learning to speak a new language; to invest themselves; to leap with their eyes open. As such, they are in the 8% of those in our culture who are willing to actively seek healthy change and pursue it.
These couples are learning to bond in their marriages where they have not been vulnerable to anyone else before; ever. And, as they make discoveries, I am gaining fresh understanding as well. As we go, we are creating Learning Steps for the process of bonding. The steps eventually will come in the form of worksheets; then a workbook I hope to make available on a larger scale; "Bonding: How To Do Relationships." As we go, each of the couples has agreed to let me share parts of their stories as part of the learning process we will make available for others.
Which brings me back to yesterday, (with permission, of course.)
At the end of our session, this precious couple was discussing with me, the week's realizations. I was explaining the worksheet packet they were taking away as part of their homework for the next week. I said, "I would like you to set aside time to speak with each other for ten minutes each day. This needs to be purposeful time. You are going to share your hopes, your experiences and your fears. You can even talk about what you are learning as you work through the worksheets I have given you. The time you share together has to go deeper than just the facts of the day. Please sit at a table together to talk. Don't be distracted when you share. Set a timer, if you have to. Here is the rule: You don't stop communicating until the timer goes off, but if you go past the ten minutes; that's a good thing."
The husband looked at me. For a moment, he was quiet. Bear in mind, he is learning the value of communicating and vulnerability. He asked, "If we go over our ten minutes on one day, can we count those minutes on the assignment for the next day?"
After a few seconds of silence, I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. "No," I answered. "That doesn't work! We don't rollover minutes on communication!"
It opened an entirely new door of learning. Right then.
Which makes me think once again of the AT&T mom -- and I wonder ... How many couples out there are holding bowls of unused minutes, saving them for later?
After all, leftovers never are quite as good......
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
(If you haven't seen the series, I include a youtube link here.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFepU_hcZ0s&feature=PlayList&p=23F1FDE8BDDDEBA1&index=3
Which brings me to yesterday's funny moment. Believe it or not, a lot of them happen in counseling.... Anyway, one of the couples I see in Inner Life Development, was sitting in my office. The three of us are in the midst of discovering how they can best communciate with each other. Even though they have been married awhile, this man and his wife can go days without indepth touch or connection. Some days they don't even speak to each other.
They never learned how.... How can you do something you never were taught to do, or even saw occur?
You can't. It's impossible to give away what we haven't received.....
Sadly, each of us have areas in our lives where that question could be applied... Each of us must discover our own need for conflict and change. And by change, I mean growth.
The element to lift us from our melee? A healthy response. Our response when we become personally aware of our ignorance; that response is telling in our development of character. It is the key to the Holy-Spirit-provided door to unlock our Personhood. Most especially, our response shows our capacity for relationship; not only with others, but with God as well. How do we respond? Do we become angry? Withdraw? Defend ourselves? Or, do we open our lives to others, ask a question, apply the answer, and continue towards emotional health; then spiritual maturity?
One cannot happen without the other.
Currently, I see four couples; each of whom has developed discontenment with the normal "non-talk" in their day-to-day. Rather, they have chosen to live on a learning curve; bravely stepping into the unknown; learning to speak a new language; to invest themselves; to leap with their eyes open. As such, they are in the 8% of those in our culture who are willing to actively seek healthy change and pursue it.
These couples are learning to bond in their marriages where they have not been vulnerable to anyone else before; ever. And, as they make discoveries, I am gaining fresh understanding as well. As we go, we are creating Learning Steps for the process of bonding. The steps eventually will come in the form of worksheets; then a workbook I hope to make available on a larger scale; "Bonding: How To Do Relationships." As we go, each of the couples has agreed to let me share parts of their stories as part of the learning process we will make available for others.
Which brings me back to yesterday, (with permission, of course.)
At the end of our session, this precious couple was discussing with me, the week's realizations. I was explaining the worksheet packet they were taking away as part of their homework for the next week. I said, "I would like you to set aside time to speak with each other for ten minutes each day. This needs to be purposeful time. You are going to share your hopes, your experiences and your fears. You can even talk about what you are learning as you work through the worksheets I have given you. The time you share together has to go deeper than just the facts of the day. Please sit at a table together to talk. Don't be distracted when you share. Set a timer, if you have to. Here is the rule: You don't stop communicating until the timer goes off, but if you go past the ten minutes; that's a good thing."
The husband looked at me. For a moment, he was quiet. Bear in mind, he is learning the value of communicating and vulnerability. He asked, "If we go over our ten minutes on one day, can we count those minutes on the assignment for the next day?"
After a few seconds of silence, I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. "No," I answered. "That doesn't work! We don't rollover minutes on communication!"
It opened an entirely new door of learning. Right then.
Which makes me think once again of the AT&T mom -- and I wonder ... How many couples out there are holding bowls of unused minutes, saving them for later?
After all, leftovers never are quite as good......
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
dollhouse tow-head
She's only five. Just. She has short blond hair, and dancing eyes that look right through me, especially when we are drawing pictures together; especially when she plays with the knights and ladies and horses... but most of all when she is standing next to my desk, asking for yet another heart-shaped lollipop.
Yesterday, she came in with her mother.
Yesterday. It was snowing in our city -- in the month of March-- much too late for icy weather in the south. Drive slowly on black ice, folks. You don't see it coming. Yesterday. The child couldn't stay inside during our session. So, she and her mother created a ten inch snowman ornament for the hood of my little car. Wish I had taken a picture -- he was formidable. He endured the drive home, and was still frozen to my car's hood, pointing forward, this morning at 6am. She makes me giggle.
Yesterday.
It wasn't long ago this little one first came in to see me. We had to get to know each other, you see. She was having trouble letting go in the morning. No one knew why. She wouldn't talk -- In my own humble opinion, the child holds too gracious of a spirit to burden the adults around her.
So we played together -- drawing pictures, punching play-doh, jousting knights and ladies, with puppets, ...and with the dollhouse. When the focus of her fear finally surfaced, she crawled into a fetal position; she substituted grunts for words; she quietly pulled away and wept; she tried to climb into the five-inch opening between my desk and wall cabinet. It was her attempt to find a safe place to hide; a cave; a womb. It was time for a rescue.
Did you know that a child will show their trust by speaking to you? Such a feat requires time and safety....
Her abuser denies any wrongdoing.
We are slowly working through her perceptions about herself, and about men in general. Much too soon she will be confronted with the much larger outside world. Can we help her steady her feet before it appears? Dear Jesus, I pray so.
How does this happen to a five year old? I have seen many such children over the years, and yet it still confounds me --
The pervasiveness of evil in the world around us? On a small level, perhaps -- but in reality that entity is nothing, but a loud bully on the playground. What confounds my heart and mind is this -- The infiniteness of the love of Father God; deeper than any evil, any fear, any abandonment, any pain; wider than any blockage, any accusation, any broken place. He reaches into our humanity, and restores identity; greater than any loss, any abuse, any difficulty -- and it is eternal. Eternally mine, because I belong to Him.
Do you belong to Him? Then, it is yours as well. And He will move heaven and earth to redeem, to rebuild, to restore, to repair and to re-create what the false gods and philosophies of this world have stolen from you.
He is God. No substitutions, no additives. Just God.
It's been several months now, since my dollhouse tow-head came to visit for the first time. Her mother can't pay, so my cheeks receive my fee in sticky kisses (lollipop derived); as her mother is trying to rebuild her life. We came up with a business name and made flyers and business cards last week -- we can't wait to see what Jesus will do for her.
I have long said -- "People who need help and counsel can't afford it; when people have money for help and counsel they don't want it. They become distracted with all the things they think will heal their pain."
My husband suggested that I invite those who are taking this newest adventure of blogging with me, into my own journey. He said you should know what it is I do these days.....
Many of my clients are just like these two precious souls -- like butterflies emerging from a long and hard winter; getting ready to unfold their wings and become.
Pray for us. Pray for me. And, if it occurs to you, and you would like to support our ministry at Awakened to Grow, you can do so through my website; awakenedtogrow.com. And I promise, any gift you give will be used to provide care for those who cannot afford to pay for themselves.
(C) 2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
Yesterday, she came in with her mother.
Yesterday. It was snowing in our city -- in the month of March-- much too late for icy weather in the south. Drive slowly on black ice, folks. You don't see it coming. Yesterday. The child couldn't stay inside during our session. So, she and her mother created a ten inch snowman ornament for the hood of my little car. Wish I had taken a picture -- he was formidable. He endured the drive home, and was still frozen to my car's hood, pointing forward, this morning at 6am. She makes me giggle.
Yesterday.
It wasn't long ago this little one first came in to see me. We had to get to know each other, you see. She was having trouble letting go in the morning. No one knew why. She wouldn't talk -- In my own humble opinion, the child holds too gracious of a spirit to burden the adults around her.
So we played together -- drawing pictures, punching play-doh, jousting knights and ladies, with puppets, ...and with the dollhouse. When the focus of her fear finally surfaced, she crawled into a fetal position; she substituted grunts for words; she quietly pulled away and wept; she tried to climb into the five-inch opening between my desk and wall cabinet. It was her attempt to find a safe place to hide; a cave; a womb. It was time for a rescue.
Did you know that a child will show their trust by speaking to you? Such a feat requires time and safety....
Her abuser denies any wrongdoing.
We are slowly working through her perceptions about herself, and about men in general. Much too soon she will be confronted with the much larger outside world. Can we help her steady her feet before it appears? Dear Jesus, I pray so.
How does this happen to a five year old? I have seen many such children over the years, and yet it still confounds me --
The pervasiveness of evil in the world around us? On a small level, perhaps -- but in reality that entity is nothing, but a loud bully on the playground. What confounds my heart and mind is this -- The infiniteness of the love of Father God; deeper than any evil, any fear, any abandonment, any pain; wider than any blockage, any accusation, any broken place. He reaches into our humanity, and restores identity; greater than any loss, any abuse, any difficulty -- and it is eternal. Eternally mine, because I belong to Him.
Do you belong to Him? Then, it is yours as well. And He will move heaven and earth to redeem, to rebuild, to restore, to repair and to re-create what the false gods and philosophies of this world have stolen from you.
He is God. No substitutions, no additives. Just God.
It's been several months now, since my dollhouse tow-head came to visit for the first time. Her mother can't pay, so my cheeks receive my fee in sticky kisses (lollipop derived); as her mother is trying to rebuild her life. We came up with a business name and made flyers and business cards last week -- we can't wait to see what Jesus will do for her.
I have long said -- "People who need help and counsel can't afford it; when people have money for help and counsel they don't want it. They become distracted with all the things they think will heal their pain."
My husband suggested that I invite those who are taking this newest adventure of blogging with me, into my own journey. He said you should know what it is I do these days.....
Many of my clients are just like these two precious souls -- like butterflies emerging from a long and hard winter; getting ready to unfold their wings and become.
Pray for us. Pray for me. And, if it occurs to you, and you would like to support our ministry at Awakened to Grow, you can do so through my website; awakenedtogrow.com. And I promise, any gift you give will be used to provide care for those who cannot afford to pay for themselves.
(C) 2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
Chad's scales
What is it about Facebook that draws me in? I'll go on to just catch up with my long distance friends, and find myself an hour (or more!) later, wondering where the time went..... it's like a black hole in a Time Management Suspense Movie.... how does the time disappear?
I teach piano and voice -- have done so for the past thirty years or so. Never meant to. Never even thought I was qualified to do so. Somehow, it just showed up in my resume. Things got financially challenging during the early years of pastoring, and Bill suggested I try it. Now, here I am years later, still doing it. Am I addicted, or just stubborn? I can't tell. We have gone through seasons with it -- from 5 students to 60 students -- from 1 recital a year, to competitions, 2 recitals and senior projects -- Now I have 9. I love them all; perhaps it's the relationships...
It's a sense of teaching people how to speak a new language. Admittedly, I enjoy the sour notes students play; I get to help them fix their conjugation; accent; prononciation. It's a great feeling when a student learns to emode through their fingers ; letting feeling flow into the music, giving it expression...
I was reminded this morning of an experience I had during a student's lesson years ago. This former student is now a friend; now married (to another former student). He is a young minister, band leader and musicman. Of late, we have been posting back and forth on facebook. I am watching his life, listening to his comments, and find myself anticipating how the Holy Spirit will be using him in the next few years to reach his generation.
While on this reminiscence pathway, I found myself smiling. He will get there in spite of his piano/voice instructor's inabilities. The specific picture that came to mind was clear. Chad was in a level of learning where he was deciphering the lydian, dorian and jazz scales. His assignment was to play each of the scales in each key. There are twelve keys. The amazing boy had to play each scale four octaves, and also play the two minor scales. The process took about 15 minutes and served as a solid warmup for the harder pieces he was working on at the time. His scales always had a concrete metronome rhythm; and as such could lull a person into "blank slate" mode. As the metronome ticked on, I fell asleep. Sound.
While I won't blame the student, I will say it wasn't really my fault (denial, you say?). Bill and I had had a late night at the church we pastor the night before . So I dozed -- sorry. But the boy was focused, intent on his assignment. I was startled awake from my "power nap" by a loud silence. Opening my eyes, I saw him gazing at me. I still have no idea how long it had been since the final note had been played.
"Mrs. Graafsma?" he inquired, always polite (which I credit to his parents, by the way). "Are you okay?"
Flustered, I looked back at him. "Were you happy with how they sounded?" I asked.
He didn't say anything at first. He just got that funny sideways grin, and his eyes twinkled. At that moment, I realized he knew. I was busted. "The scales?" he asked. For a moment, I thought he might be playing with me -- had he played a piece as well? I checked his music on the music stand. No, it wasn't open yet. "Yeah," he continued, "they were okay."
I took a breath. "Good." I replied. "I thought so too." We went on with the lesson.
Let me digress a little at this point. In the last 30 years, I have discovered there are three types of piano students. Sadly; the primary type is peppered in-between the latter two types. These are students who have no real inclination to learn, or discover, but have been convinced, bribed, or threatened by their parents to "try" music and see if they like it. It takes time and a developing of trust to help these students to admit it is okay to speak up and ask to do something else, please.
The latter two types are divided equally. First, there are those who have a degree of talent; who love music, want to learn, and can't wait to discover something new, but realize they will have to work hard to get to the finish line. These are the tortoises. Then there are those who hold a degree of giftedness, who love music, want to learn, can't wait to discover something new, but are handicapped by the fact that everything they do has come easily. These are the hares.
Chad, songwriter and philosopher that he has become -- was a hare -- who learned to become a tortoise. He is an example of a gifted boy who confronted his desire to "sprint ahead," and took the time to address the "next step" in a disciplined manner. He was willing to work hard -- deciphering the nitty gritty, and taking away what was useful. Those abilities will take him far, because that is a life lesson we all need to apply in every area of our lives.
Because of that developed character, I am convinced he will make a difference; no matter where God places him. Thanks for listening, Chad -- and for being willing to let the Holy Spirit use you. Watching how you learned, helped me to make discoveries about teaching.
See you on Facebook.
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
I teach piano and voice -- have done so for the past thirty years or so. Never meant to. Never even thought I was qualified to do so. Somehow, it just showed up in my resume. Things got financially challenging during the early years of pastoring, and Bill suggested I try it. Now, here I am years later, still doing it. Am I addicted, or just stubborn? I can't tell. We have gone through seasons with it -- from 5 students to 60 students -- from 1 recital a year, to competitions, 2 recitals and senior projects -- Now I have 9. I love them all; perhaps it's the relationships...
It's a sense of teaching people how to speak a new language. Admittedly, I enjoy the sour notes students play; I get to help them fix their conjugation; accent; prononciation. It's a great feeling when a student learns to emode through their fingers ; letting feeling flow into the music, giving it expression...
I was reminded this morning of an experience I had during a student's lesson years ago. This former student is now a friend; now married (to another former student). He is a young minister, band leader and musicman. Of late, we have been posting back and forth on facebook. I am watching his life, listening to his comments, and find myself anticipating how the Holy Spirit will be using him in the next few years to reach his generation.
While on this reminiscence pathway, I found myself smiling. He will get there in spite of his piano/voice instructor's inabilities. The specific picture that came to mind was clear. Chad was in a level of learning where he was deciphering the lydian, dorian and jazz scales. His assignment was to play each of the scales in each key. There are twelve keys. The amazing boy had to play each scale four octaves, and also play the two minor scales. The process took about 15 minutes and served as a solid warmup for the harder pieces he was working on at the time. His scales always had a concrete metronome rhythm; and as such could lull a person into "blank slate" mode. As the metronome ticked on, I fell asleep. Sound.
While I won't blame the student, I will say it wasn't really my fault (denial, you say?). Bill and I had had a late night at the church we pastor the night before . So I dozed -- sorry. But the boy was focused, intent on his assignment. I was startled awake from my "power nap" by a loud silence. Opening my eyes, I saw him gazing at me. I still have no idea how long it had been since the final note had been played.
"Mrs. Graafsma?" he inquired, always polite (which I credit to his parents, by the way). "Are you okay?"
Flustered, I looked back at him. "Were you happy with how they sounded?" I asked.
He didn't say anything at first. He just got that funny sideways grin, and his eyes twinkled. At that moment, I realized he knew. I was busted. "The scales?" he asked. For a moment, I thought he might be playing with me -- had he played a piece as well? I checked his music on the music stand. No, it wasn't open yet. "Yeah," he continued, "they were okay."
I took a breath. "Good." I replied. "I thought so too." We went on with the lesson.
Let me digress a little at this point. In the last 30 years, I have discovered there are three types of piano students. Sadly; the primary type is peppered in-between the latter two types. These are students who have no real inclination to learn, or discover, but have been convinced, bribed, or threatened by their parents to "try" music and see if they like it. It takes time and a developing of trust to help these students to admit it is okay to speak up and ask to do something else, please.
The latter two types are divided equally. First, there are those who have a degree of talent; who love music, want to learn, and can't wait to discover something new, but realize they will have to work hard to get to the finish line. These are the tortoises. Then there are those who hold a degree of giftedness, who love music, want to learn, can't wait to discover something new, but are handicapped by the fact that everything they do has come easily. These are the hares.
Chad, songwriter and philosopher that he has become -- was a hare -- who learned to become a tortoise. He is an example of a gifted boy who confronted his desire to "sprint ahead," and took the time to address the "next step" in a disciplined manner. He was willing to work hard -- deciphering the nitty gritty, and taking away what was useful. Those abilities will take him far, because that is a life lesson we all need to apply in every area of our lives.
Because of that developed character, I am convinced he will make a difference; no matter where God places him. Thanks for listening, Chad -- and for being willing to let the Holy Spirit use you. Watching how you learned, helped me to make discoveries about teaching.
See you on Facebook.
(C)2010 DG -- awakenedtogrow.com
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